You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize