I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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