walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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