dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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