my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
