11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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