she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
