Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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