We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
