dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
