Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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