just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
