hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
