hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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