Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
