I feel like abortions should bother me more
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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