sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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