I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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