What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
