They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize