don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
