It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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