I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
false alarm. still invincible.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
