I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
