We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
