just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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