we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
