so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Randomize
