we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
