I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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