I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
