Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
