When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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