I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize