Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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