Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
