Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
