The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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