So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
