i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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