apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
