you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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