I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
