If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we're making bets on your personal life
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
