i don't like sucking hair
I've blown a few things in my day
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drake has all the answers
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
