i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize