her vagine was all disorganized.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
