This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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