Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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