I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
