Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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