I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
