Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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