At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
