i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
