If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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