so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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