I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
