So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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