My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
