Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
