I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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