I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
