Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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