its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
