Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
