dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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