Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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