Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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