I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
