I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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